Anvil List: Best Excuses to Avoid Gardening

1. Concrete lawn doesn’t require much water or weeding.
2. Only got 37 Burpee catalogues this year.
3. Can't see the lawn for all the beer cans.
4. Garden Weasel isn't the same after I got it "fixed."
5. Damn terra cotta gnomes eat the strawberries when I'm not looking.
6. Waiting for Monsanto to create a genetically altered Hefeweizen tomato.
7. Used the last of the chicken wire to build a playpen.